I do everything wrong

I feel sad, because I feel like nothing is okay. I miss a lot of things from the past, but I know, I shouldn't stick to thoose things.
I say, okay... I miss my old life, with our old house in a small place, I loved, and with my friends there, who I haven't talked to, since we moved. I miss Ági,Ákos,Ádám,Márk,Szonja,Feri,Sanyi,Kristóf, and actually Fruzsi and Tomi. And also my adult neighbors, Lilla néni, Jancsi bácsi, Marika néni, Feri bácsi, Szilvi, Szabolcs, Norbi, Attila, and even Kriszta.
I miss my old school, with all of my teachers and classmates. I miss Csaba bá, the one, who has took care about me, when I was under myself. I miss the girls, and also the boys. We were all good friends. I loved my old class!
I had many friends there, then I came this high school, and I turned into a greey little mouse.
(In february I was happier than ever. I had new relationships, and I was feel like it solves everything. I loved to meet new people, and just talk about what I want. But my friends said, I changed, and I feel, they didn't understand me. I was the old me, but than I felt it is a wrong way. Since than, I don't dare to do this any longer. I can't feel none of the ways to mine. I can't find myself, because one thing won't be liked by someone. I hate it!)
Thoose days, when I changed my school, we also changed our house, and my father moved to an other "family".
I have always kept myself, but i always had parts, when I wanted just be sad, and cry a bit. Since december, I think, it turned worse. I can cry everytime, everywhere, even I don't want.
I loose 6-7kg from my weight from december. I didn't want to, but I can't help.
I remember the day. It was the beginning of december. D. and T. were missed in the school, I sat next to H.. Then some days later it came my nameday. Noone came to school, not even H., and T. and D. also weren't there. That was a suck day, than came my birthday, I wanted to go to the cinema, but it wasn't sucesfull, after then I can't remember...
I could write much more about my f*king s*cker life, but I know I shouldn't. I just can't step over it. I need some help, but pshyhologist isn't cheap.
Others say; I have good life. Okay, just try it...
Anyway one thing is still makes me happy, but I feel, I don't deserve it, really I don't.
I'm a misfortuna, a diseaster.

selfness

I say, people are selfish... And this selfness can make me sad. If I trust in somebody, I think, she/he won't give my secrets away. But just a few people is able to do it. I'm fed up with that, I cannot tell anything, cause it won't stay in secret! I hate it! You can never know, who to trust in... Gossips are tempting, and many people(the weaker ones...) cannot say no, for this temptaiton. I think I can, and I don't give away, what I've heard. That's why, I hate it!

Lyrics

Lyrics mean a lot for me. Usually, I write, when I feel especially sad, or happy. Rather, when I'm sad. In fact, I have written most of my lyrics, when I've felt around love... You know, when somebody was liked by me, but he didn't know me, or something like that.
Writting is a very good hobby. With writting a lyric, you write out from yourself, your deepest thought. However I don't show it to many people, just to my friend, it's an elevating feeling.
Of course I like reading other's lyrics, too. For sure, you have felt something like this; when you are reading the lines, and you feel like 'Oh, my god! It has also happened to me.'
It would be very, very honoring, if somebody read my poems, and feel the same. Oneday, maybe the world is gonna get to know my stuff. ^^
One thing is sure: I reccomend everybody, to write poems! Good feeling, and it makes you artistic.

And here is some lines, from me. I don't want to say anything, just read it. ;)
You don't observe me
Not yet
I'm suffering
But when...

When will you
Look in to my eyes?
When will you
Say me a word?

What should I do
I don't know
You build and destroy
My world

Chaos

Everything went wrong...
Nearly 2 weeks ago, I was happier, than ever. Everything was okay. I've written tons of lyrics, and I've felt so good.
I don't know since when, I've been tired, unhappy. Usually I felt, I cannot get up, and go to school. Every day was almost like a diseaster.
But than... It was so good! Suddenly I became happy, it was easy to get up in the morning, in the school, there weren't problems, or even there were, I didn't feel them, like big things...
Actually, it had a concrete reason, I think, but little things made me also happy.
(The reason is so complicated... But really important for me.)

Now every hapiness has gone away. School sucks, and also the other things do...
I will never understand, why i cannot get hapiness. I'd like just to get some... I'd like to be simply happy...

Sagittarius, it's me

Sagittarius is my horoscope(i was born in December), and I've found a characterization, which suites to me so much. Many real things are in this.

Sagittarius: What the Sagittarius is interested in deep inside, is the free will of humanity. To get to know the "big plan", the penetrating everything. She's against the feeling of caducity, and she's finding values, which are valid in every ages. She wants to know, what holds the world together. She'd like to shake down the earthly reality, experience all the experienceables, and live in a intellectual, clear world. For a Sagittarius it's hard, to not give away, what she has known to be right. As appreciative she can listen the different opinions, as intolerant she can be, if she thinks, she's found the way to the salvation. Nothing is harder for a Sagittarius, like the findind of the measurement, which is equal with the thought of undistinguished. The Sagittarius's important topic, is the tolerance. She'd like her tolerance to be far-flung and prudent, as she often shows herself in front of her environment. However, behind it, can be an unconcern. Something very appreciable have to happen to pique her interest. But that, her enthusiasm doesn't know borders. But ullage of it, she can just smile with kindness - what is not too hard for her - because she's not really interested in ordinary things. The serious side of the Sagittarius mainfest itself, when she's made sure of something.

Almost everything, what is written, is me. I couldn't write even better about myself.
Weel, the most important thing is, from the text, that I don't like ordinary things, and people. I prefer unusual things. It accompanies my life. And ofcourse shaking down world's reality... This blog proves it perfectly, I think...
And one more thing. What does tolerance means to me? It's so impontant. I can't stand discriminations. What people don't, don't care about it. That's all. Everybody has their own rights. Everyone likeand do, what she/he want. World is nice because of this.

Winter time

I've taken this photo, yesterday evening. It was freezing cold. My hands went red. Anyway this ins't my best shot, but it mirrors the winter here. Sadly for 2 weeks we have no snow, just hoar. But I love snow! I was born in December, maybe that's why I like it so... And what is good in this season? A dozen things...
- we can skateing
- sledging
- snowball fighting
- beautiful pictures taking
- waling in our favourite winter-coat on the street, when it snows
- dring hot drinks
- go to Christmas markets (especially in December)
- if it falls too much snow, we can stay at home for a while
And I like all the lights, and in winter it changes to dark so early, so I like it. At 5 o'clock you can walk in the city and it's not late, just dark. Like it.
Many people don't prefer winter. I understand them, but it is just a season. We are not allowed to hate it. It has its own beauty. And I think there is just a few people whos favourite season is this. (most of them like summer...)
If you don't have any favourite season, choose one, and you can own that. Good feeling! Now my part of time is on! ;)

And one more pic:
It's taken by my friend. I think it was about 2 weeks ago. There're 2 nuns on the picture in my hometown. I don't know what they were doing, I've never seen them before... but it was funny, and they suite into the environment.
Luckily my friend always has a camera in her pocket! :D

I'm waiting. But what for?

Many things I'm waiting for, but it's always like, nothing happens, but it does. Why do I feel it? Good question. I'm not satisfied with anything. I always feel, it could be better. But when? Has it definitely an end? And when will I know, that the thing, I was waiting for, has already come? And what should I do, while it comes? Stupid questions? Maybe. Who know the answers?
Okay, it's a lil' complicated, but don't you feel something like that? Something sould happen in this life, what you'll remember later. And not just nice memories. Something bigger, deeper, more elevating.
I belive it's coming soon.