I do everything wrong

I feel sad, because I feel like nothing is okay. I miss a lot of things from the past, but I know, I shouldn't stick to thoose things.
I say, okay... I miss my old life, with our old house in a small place, I loved, and with my friends there, who I haven't talked to, since we moved. I miss Ági,Ákos,Ádám,Márk,Szonja,Feri,Sanyi,Kristóf, and actually Fruzsi and Tomi. And also my adult neighbors, Lilla néni, Jancsi bácsi, Marika néni, Feri bácsi, Szilvi, Szabolcs, Norbi, Attila, and even Kriszta.
I miss my old school, with all of my teachers and classmates. I miss Csaba bá, the one, who has took care about me, when I was under myself. I miss the girls, and also the boys. We were all good friends. I loved my old class!
I had many friends there, then I came this high school, and I turned into a greey little mouse.
(In february I was happier than ever. I had new relationships, and I was feel like it solves everything. I loved to meet new people, and just talk about what I want. But my friends said, I changed, and I feel, they didn't understand me. I was the old me, but than I felt it is a wrong way. Since than, I don't dare to do this any longer. I can't feel none of the ways to mine. I can't find myself, because one thing won't be liked by someone. I hate it!)
Thoose days, when I changed my school, we also changed our house, and my father moved to an other "family".
I have always kept myself, but i always had parts, when I wanted just be sad, and cry a bit. Since december, I think, it turned worse. I can cry everytime, everywhere, even I don't want.
I loose 6-7kg from my weight from december. I didn't want to, but I can't help.
I remember the day. It was the beginning of december. D. and T. were missed in the school, I sat next to H.. Then some days later it came my nameday. Noone came to school, not even H., and T. and D. also weren't there. That was a suck day, than came my birthday, I wanted to go to the cinema, but it wasn't sucesfull, after then I can't remember...
I could write much more about my f*king s*cker life, but I know I shouldn't. I just can't step over it. I need some help, but pshyhologist isn't cheap.
Others say; I have good life. Okay, just try it...
Anyway one thing is still makes me happy, but I feel, I don't deserve it, really I don't.
I'm a misfortuna, a diseaster.